As a low-key cinephile and someone who is obsessed with narratives that are so distinct from my own boring-as-fuck life, music videos are my jam. Like, if you didn’t have a music video to accompany every song on your album, did you really make an album? Maybe, but no one knows about it because you failed to utilize the amazing marketing opportunity that the music video would have provided you with. Your song tells a story, and your music video can render your story more vividly for your fans (plus help you gain new fans that discovered you via the music video), so you’re a selfish fool if you didn’t make a music video. What the hell? Do you not care about your loyal fan base?? Basically, you’re never gonna get anywhere in life without a music video. Rant over.
Below are the most epic music videos that you will ever encounter in your entire meager, uncultured life. That is, until the next incredible music video comes along. I actually discovered all these songs through the music video first, which just goes to show that the point I made above is so valid. Aspiring singers should actually listen to me, otherwise they’ll remain “aspiring” forever. So take notes, and prepare to have your mind blown by the following.
SPOILERS AHEAD. If you care about me giving away the plot to these super short music videos, def watch them first before reading my garbage reviews.
Tim Berg – Seek Bromance
Three ridiculously good-looking youths go on an All-American road trip, and as you should all know by my previous posts, I’m absolutely infatuated by the idea of the All-American road trip, so of course, this music video earned a place in my cold heart from the beginning. They make pit stops at diners and liquor stores, and then take ecstasy in a desert. Obvi. I mean, what American road trip is complete without drugs?
Then their car breaks down, but they magically fix it with their good looks, and suddenly they’ve made it to The Fabulous Las Vegas. They rage at a casino, get kicked out, check in at some seedy-ass motel fittingly called “The Holiday House”, rage with more randoms at the motel, and then proceed to engage in a threesome with each other. Fucking duh. I’m honestly surprised it took them till the end of the music video for this to happen. The sexual tension was blatantly there the entire time.
But suddenly *PLOT TWIST* The guys wake up before the girl, high-five, then leave her behind – what?! They literally ditched her ass at a random motel. Aren’t they all supposed to be besties for the resties? This just goes to show that you could never trust a guy, no matter how ridiculously good-looking they are. Chicks before dicks, always (tbh, I would still embark on this road trip with these hotties, even with the knowledge that I would get ditched at the end. NO RAGRETS). Still, I couldn’t fathom why the music video would end like this. So I turned to my Youtube scholars – AKA people that actually take the time to comment on Youtube videos because they have nothing better to do with their lives – and discovered that the music video had an underlying meaning beneath the (albeit intriguing) sex and drugs.
Youtube Sensei “barry badrinath” explains:
“The Seek Bromance music video works its magic on many levels. For the fun loving young dance music lover and party goer it is: – hot girls and guys driving from LA to Vegas, getting high, causing strife and having threesomes. For those interested in a deeper level of meaning, the video is actually about repressed homosexuality. On this level, the girl in the video does not exist (that is why no one else can see her), but she is a metaphor for their “bromance”, aka gayness. The two boys are gay, and the father has thrown one out for being gay. At the end they get with each other and the girl (repressed feelings) is satisfied.”
HOW WILD IS THAT THO???
The wise tribal leader “umbalaba” adds:
“That is a possible interpretation. Another interpretation would be that the father throws the main character out because he is bisexual. Neither the girl nor the guy in the car are real. They just represent the choice between homosexuality and heterosexuality, which the main character is faced with. In the end the main character makes up his mind and decides to explore his homosexual side, which is why the girl (ie heterosexuality) is left behind.”
THIS IS DEEP STUFF, FAM. THANK THE LORD FOR THE YOUTUBE SCHOLARS. Regardless, this video would have been iconic even without the deeper meaning, solely because it features cars, drugs, and hot people engaging in sexual activity. Gotta love America.
Route 94 – My Love
Surprise, surprise – this one features more hot youths, sex, and drugs at a club. But it’s way cooler, because the whole video was shot with a thermal camera , so everyone looks orange AF, and like they have colds or something because their noses are so red. Also, the thermal camera hides everyone’s flaws, just like how everyone’s flaws are hidden at an actual club because it’s dark, scary, and traumatizing in there.
The plot goes like this:
Hot guy that would most def be the product of an Ian Somerhalder/Zac Efron marriage (according to the Youtube scholars) enters da clerb, walking past equally hot girls that are drinking, talking shit, and doing drugs, as us girls generally do.
Our lovable fuckboy is clearly on the prowl for some action tonight. The video cuts to shots of a wolf; for those of you uneducated swine that don’t understand the symbolism, the wolf is supposed to symbolize the hot guy on the hunt to hit it & quit it. At least my lit degree counts for something (sobs internally. please hire me).
After checking out numerous skinny sluts and bubble butts, his eyes finally lock eyes with another good-looking youth. They dance, make out, go home, and have meaningless post-club sex. Our protagonist’s inner wolf is having a field day. Afterwards, the girl goes to shower, and he leaves, never to be seen again. As he leaves, I always think I see a hint of sadness in the girl’s eyes, but then I remember that none of us actually have feelings. Because ew, lol – feelings are for children and losers with poor self-esteem.
So what makes this video stand out from others of its kind? I already told you, everyone’s fucking orange. Oh, and the track is sick. What more can you ask for?
My friends are actually concerned about my well-being considering how obsessed I am with this video, as they should be.
Lana Del Rey – National Anthem
This one’s packed with Americana vibes. If I’m obsessed with the All-American road trip, naturally I’m also super into American history – less about the slavery part, more about Marilyn Monroe. Kinda like every basic bitch who tweets about “being born in the wrong generation” and wishes she was back in the 1920s just because she saw The Great Gatsby (great movie, btw). As we already know, our girl Lana‘s all about glamorizing American history, and she really takes the cake with this one.
In the beginning of the video, Lana recreates an iconic moment in American history: Marilyn Monroe singing Happy Birthday to JFK, all cute and sultry-like. This time around, A$AP Rocky is JFK, which I’m down for. The video then cuts to Lana and A$AP Rocky embracing alongside their beautiful, multiracial children outside of their upper-class AF home, Lana sniffing flowers for no apparent reason, Lana singing dramatically on a lion rug, and more shots of the American flag, obvi. Then, Lana and A$AP smiling and laughing at one of their children’s birthday parties. Alright, all fine and dandy up until this point. But suddenly, we’re presented with a shot of a hand grabbing an ass, and then suddenly Lana and A$AP are getting down and dirty with each other at a party. Then, they’re smoking, drinking, and gambling together. Huh? This does not match the cookie-cutter lifestyle the viewers have been presented with thus far. Once again, I consulted the YouTube scholars for answers.
Apparently, Lana is representing both Marilyn Monroe and Jackie Kennedy. Of fucking course she would. It wasn’t enough for her to play one iconic American figure – she had to be two. Gotta love Lana, and how extra she is. And she presents both of them and the relationship they shared with JFK oh, so, well #LanaSlays
So why do I love this music video so much? Because not only are the people featured in this video hot, they’re also fucking rich. And who doesn’t like a glimpse into the rich lifestyle? And not only rich, but also famous! Hot, rich, and famous – all wonderful traits. Also, everybody loves a good love triangle, and this video happens to feature one of the most iconic, scandalous love triangles in American history! Scandal is like, my middle name (not actually because nothing ever significant happens to me).
And, the cinematography in this video is incredible, mesmerizing, and nostalgic all at once. But no one actually cares about the artistry behind the video – all that really matters is that the characters portrayed are hot, rich, famous, iconic, and of course, AMERICAN. ‘Murica, fuck yeah! All you gotta do is play into my glamorization of American culture, and I’m so there.
Sooo, what music videos draw you in? Let me know in the comments, even though they def won’t be up to par with mine.