There’s something so dreamy about weddings. Every time I get an invitation to a close friend’s wedding, I bubble up with excitement like a little kid. What can I say? I just love celebrating love. As a perpetually single twentysomething, the idea of two people coming together forever seems so foreign to me, but so surreal and amazing at the same time. Love is in the air at weddings, and I just wanna breathe in deep.
This past weekend, I got to dive deep into the luxury of a destination wedding. The destination was Miami, Florida. Because I’m like, such a good friend, I was flying all the way in from Israel. As the only member of the bride tribe who lived abroad, I had unfortunately missed the bridal shower and the bachelorette party. As the designated hype girl, the bachelorette is my shit; hence, I had to go hard the entire wedding weekend to make up for my previous absences. Plus, the bride is a college bestie of mine, so ya already know I had to give it the old college try.
Because it was a destination wedding, we slept at the hotel venue the night prior to the wedding and the night of the wedding. I watched John Tucker Must Die one too many times as a middle schooler, so I expected the weekend to be as wild as the away game in the movie. And while a guy as ripped as John Tucker didn’t scale the ledge of the hotel in a red hot lady’s thong for me (see the movie ASAP for reference), the bridesmaids danced around in our PJS and had a jolly good time in our hotel room as if we were Brittany Snow, Sophia Bush, Ashanti, and Arielle Kebbel. I promise we were as iconic as all the actresses below.
Something you gotta know about this bride is that she’s truly on top of her shit, and head over heels for the color pink. Oh, and head over heels for her husband of course. Duh, that’s what we’re all here for in the first place! But the main point is the color pink! Everything was decked out in pink, truly the height of romance and femininity. As the bridesmaids, we got to look pretty in pink too. Before the wedding, we got our makeup and hair done by Glam Squad, so we were looking fine as hell. As a self-proclaimed tomboy who only does professional makeup like, three times a year, I would like to give a special shout out-out to my make-up artist mclaineo for making me look like a pink princess!
After snapping our obligatory Bride Tribe pics with the bride, it was officially time to get the party started at the open bar!
There are many ingredients that come together to make a wonderful wedding – particularly a wonderful Jewish wedding. If you guys haven’t been to a Jewish wedding, let me break it down for ya. The open bar is obv the key ingredient to get the party going, so let’s start with that, shall we?
Open Bar
Whoever said you don’t need to drink to have fun is not only a buzzkill, but most definitely a narc too. Sure, I can have the time of my life without liquor because everyone knows I’m the life of the party, but a warm buzz can’t hurt. In our culture, getting drink/drank/drunk is considered to be a good deed on plenty of holidays, and a wedding is another kind of Jewish celebration. You can’t negate the word of the Old Testament.
Live a little and throw back a couple with the other groomsmen and bridesmaids at the bar. I treated myself to plenty of vodka sours because they went along with the girly aesthetic of the wedding. The bride was pleased by my adherence to the aesthetic. God was pleased by my backing of the Bible. I was pleased by my loyalty to the buzz. In conclusion, the open bar pleases everyone, and I encourage every guest to indulge their inner lush for this special occasion.
Unless you’re pregnant. In that case, congrats on your baby, and feel free to help yourself to the delicious smorgasbord instead.
The “Bedeken” Ceremony
In Jewish tradition, the groom unveils the bride to make sure that it’s the right woman. Sounds silly, but ya never know. Bishes be crazy – who knows who might have murdered your wife-to-be and replaced her with a harlot? Better safe than sorry.
In all seriousness, this is a super sweet, emotional part of the wedding. The groom unveils the bride, they smile while everyone cheers, and then they whisper sweet nothings to each other.
Before the “bedeken”, guests can approach the bride to wish her all the best on her big day. Similar to the genie in Aladdin, she also has special powers to grant all the wishes your selfish, little heart desires. Meaning, she can bless you, and apparently, the blessing of a beautiful bride holds a lot of weight with God. The bride’s blessing included me finding an attractive, wealthy husband who loves travel just as much as I do, and unlike me, he can actually afford all that travel. What a catch!
Are you there, God? It’s me, Pretentious Chick, who is really hoping that the bride’s blessing wasn’t said in vain.
After all the wholesome blessings, it was time for Noah (the gallant groom) to approach Miriam (the blissful bride). As a bridesmaid, I got to be up close and personal to the action, screaming my head off and clapping my hands eagerly like those losers that clap at the end of a flight. But hey, being an overly enthusiastic cheerleader is my job as a bridesmaid!
The Sexy Singles Table
I don’t care what anyone says – the singles table is where it’s at. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not shameful to be placed at the singles table. The married table is for all the old geezers who have already passed their prime. The men are all whipped, and the women are all cranky. At the singles table, we’re all flirty, thriving, and hot as fuck. Plus, the amount of Nice Jewish Boys in the world are limited, so Jewish weddings are peak market time.
Like I mentioned before, our bride is a true homie. She actually had the patience to scroll through Facebook to find the groom’s hottest bachelor friends, and seat them at our table. That’s right – this bish handpicked hot dudes just for her bridesmaids. If that’s not true friendship, I don’t know what is.
Hot people inevitably hit it off with hot people. That’s just like, the rules of attraction. Naturally, we hit it off, and took to the dance floor.
High-Energy Rage
At this point in the wedding, we’re all fueled by the spirits of the open bar and the charms of the Sexy Singles Table. Jewish folk dancing is officially over, which means the vibes have officially changed. The DJ’s spinning a mix of the latest hits & the greatest throwbacks, the mechitza has fallen like the Fall of the Berlin Wall, and the party beast has been unleashed. We’re forming crazy hype circles, which are what they sound like – circles in which the sole purpose is to hype each other up, regardless of how ridiculous we all look. We’re raging, grinding, popping and locking it. Meanwhile, the older gen is bugging the fuck out.
Jewish Grandmas reacting to our high energy rage:
This is my all-time fave part of the wedding. If you’ve missed your crazy college days, this is your time to shine. Shake off all the back pain that unavoidably starts in your twenties, grab the bride and groom, and turn this wedding into a high-end city club. Let all your inhibitions go, let your freak fly, and let loose. There’s nothing quite like celebrating love.
The Flashmob
In you missed the prior dance floor revelries, the flash mob is a wedding staple that always presents you with a second chance! Whether you’re a groomsman, a bridesmaid, a family member, or a random invite, everyone’s encouraged to my participate. I had the honor of choreographing this #PrettyinPink flashmob, so obvi, it was fire. JK – I had to significantly dumb it down so that the super uncoordinated groomsmen could follow. As you probably already figured, they never took the time to learn it even though I sent a tutorial to the wedding party groupchat two weeks in advance; on the other hand, the bride tribe went above and beyond to have their shit down on lock.
The thing is, no matter how much effort you put into learning the dance, you’re probably gonna be intoxicated, not to mention high off endorphins and adrenaline from the high-energy rag, as well as serotonin and dopamine from the Sexy Singles Table. So only God knows the ridiculous dance product that is the outcome of all these stimulants together. Ours was a silly shitshow, and I loved every moment of it. Even if you don’t know the dance at all, just go for it. After all, our one job is to bring joy and laughter to the bride and groom on their special day. If that was our one goal, I’d say we most definitely succeeded.
Cheers to the first fairy-tale wedding in our friend group! It was only last week, and my heart already yearns for yet another.
Gatsby Girl 